The Reality of Perfectionism
Last week, touched on were some possible roots of perfectionism. This week, I invite you to consider the reality here.
What impact is the idea of things needing to be perfect having on you? All of the following have been reported to me by friends, clients, colleagues and myself too:
1) does it stop you from properly caring for your wellness? You’re so busy trying to make things “just so”, that there is little time and energy left to care for yourself.
2) does it prevent you from moving forward with goals? You’re working on a project, and you’re stuck in a “make-it-perfect” loop, to the point that the project never gets completed.
3) does it impact your self-esteem and self-worth? You look at others, who seem to “be perfect”, and wonder “what is wrong with me”? “Why can’t I get it right as they do”?
What to do? Mind your self-talk. Recognize the messages YOU are delivering to yourself. And the good news-you are delivering these messages, and therefore, you can make a change here! Replace these unhelpful messages with reality.
How? Let’s look at the above:
1) If you’re burning so much time and energy in the pursuit of perfection, may I suggest, asking yourself “what is ACTUALLY going to happen if this isn’t perfect?” For many situations, the answer will be, “nothing”. And THAT is powerful.
Much of the reason you feel things need to be perfect is in your own self-talk, and therefore when you play out the situation, you realize, you’re in control. AND, this may uncover some big emotions here. For example, the image of perfection might be something you’ve tied to your identity. Many people have reported to me that they are their circle of friends’ “Martha Stewart”. Meaning that they feel an expectation from others and themselves to maintain that perfect image. And THERE is a huge REALITY CHECK! Here are two questions: 1) how large is/was Martha Stewart’s staff? And 2) You know she spent time in jail, correct?. I have no judgement around those two points…..I highlight these to showcase that we are all human. We ALL make mistakes.
2) are you stuck in an “it’s not perfect so I won’t put it out there” loop? This is often tied to fear of judgement. When we are working on a project that we aren’t releasing to the world, we use the shield of perfection to hide the fact that we are scared. Scared of backlash. Scared of someone “finding out” we’re not perfect. Scared of some random person from high school judging what you’re doing.
Friends, I see daily, people holding back on great things they could be putting out to help others because they are scared of judgement. I experience that too from time to time. What have I done to move past this? Coaching, and the acknowledgment that what I am doing comes from a good place, and I am trying my best, with good, kind intentions. AND that those who might judge are simply projecting their own insecurities onto me. Their judgement HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
3) and last, are you comparing yourself to others? Saying things to yourself like you’re not good enough because your Instagram grid doesn’t look perfect. You know what? The person you’re looking up to has a closet full of mess that is hidden from view. They have their flaws, just like the rest of us.
I ask a question that I asked last week: “who the heck decides what is perfect?” It is like the word “normal”. Who or what is normal? Live large friends, you are awesome the way you are!
Check back next week (or subscribe for it to be delivered to your inbox) for the third article in this series about more tools and strategies to help you overcome.
And if you’d like to dig in further, join me on Wednesday, April 14th at 7:30pm EST, as we have a frank conversation about Overcoming Perfection Pressure. Learn more here: https://www.deannalangfordcoaching.com/get-started
With kindness,
Deanna