Overcoming Perfectionism

Welcome back to week 3 in our Blog series about Perfectionism. Last week we touched on the Reality and the week previous, some of the possible Roots. Today, here are some considerations to help you overcome perfectionism. And if you’d like to continue this conversation, don’t forget to tune in next Wednesday, April 14th at 7:30 pm EST when we have a frank conversation about perfection, its impact on our health and what we can do. Registration information is below, and the recording will be available if you’re unable to attend live.

So, what are some of the things we can do to help overcome perfectionism?

1) Recognize that this is a tendency for you. You don’t need a list here…you know if this applies to you. That is why you’re reading this I am sure.

2) Are you aware of your “why”? That is, why you work to make things “just-so”? Refer back to the “Roots” article: is there a fear of judgement? Of “being found out” (that you’re not perfect)? Imposter syndrome? All are possibilities, and until we know what is keeping us stuck here, it may be tricky to move forward. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of? And when that answer comes, play it out. If the answer is “fear of judgement”, dig into that. Who is going to be judging you? Strangers on the internet? Why would you give their opinion any value? Would you take advice from them about how to run your business or raise your kids? Then WHY do you put any value on their opinion about you?

3) Evaluate your areas. Meaning, the areas of your life that you’ve got “stuff to do”. Your business, your family, your household etc, and dig into what you want. If you’re trying to be “perfect” in all of these areas, is that possible? (And what the heck does perfect mean anyway?). Evaluate your priorities. I am willing to bet that your family is top, maybe business next and household last? So, what does that tell you? Maybe it is time to let go of some areas of the household. Can someone else make dinner? Do all of the chores need to be done as frequently as you’re trying right now?

4) Work with a coach to help you move past fear and remember your self-worth.

5) If one of your triggers is comparing yourself to others, remind yourself that people who “look perfect” are not. No one is. Full stop.

6) Re-evaluate your standards. What are you asking of yourself? Is it really possible?

7) Watch your self-talk. I challenge you to write down the things you’re saying to yourself, for two days. Have a look at that list and read it out loud. Would you say those things to someone else? No? Then stop saying these things to yourself. Look at your self-talk with interest, and not judgement. Recognize, re-frame, repeat. For example:

Recognize: “I am so stupid that I can’t figure out this task.”

Re-frame: “I have not figured out this new task yet.”

Repeat: “I have not figured out this new task yet.”

8) Recognize the difference between a perfectionist and a high-performer. This one took me a while, to be honest. Here’s how I boil this down: A high-performer gets s*** done. A perfectionist sits and stares at that s***, paralyzed by fear. Maybe a bit harsh, but that’s how I look at it. If I am done something, but am not pushing “submit”, "publish” etc. then that is perfectionism rearing its ugly head. I’ve moved my mindset into the high-performer category, because, why not…..here’s my re-frame: “if they can do it, why can’t I?” “I am just as smart and capable as those other folks”. “ The difference between success and failure is inaction”. “Get s*** done. Now.”

9) Recognize the cost of not putting yourself or your work out there. If you’re growing a business, looking for a relationship, or anything else for that matter, you MUST put yourself out there. No one is going to come knocking at your door looking for your services, or you as a partner, you must get out there.

10) Recognize if this is something more. Sometimes what we might label as “perfectionism” is another, more serious issue. Perhaps unrecognized is OCD, or anxiety is what you’re really struggling with. Please do reach out to your family doctor, or other community services if you’re in need of some more/other mental health support.

Friends, you are as smart, as funny, as capable, as awesome as anyone else. And I invite you to reach out if I can help you move past perfectionism and unleash all of your awesome!

Join me next Wednesday, April 14th, 7:30 pm EST for a frank conversation about Overcoming Perfection Pressure.

Learn more: https://www.deannalangfordcoaching.com/get-started/group-coaching

With kindness,

Deanna