An insidious creature…….
It’s interesting isn’t it, how things turn out? Like the contradiction of this blog title and it’s photo, sometimes things just don’t end up like we thought they would. What we anticipate to be unicorns and rainbows, celebration and champagne, can sometimes hit us like a truck of sadness and doubt.
Although under construction for a stretch of time, I recently launched Deanna Langford Coaching. Planned launch date was Sept 27, but life happens and a few things popped up that delayed the launch until Friday, October 4. No big deal, delays happen, go with the flow.
Filled with anticipation the week leading up to hitting “go”, I continued to create content, chat to friends and family (probably continuously, sorry everyone!), imagining what this new adventure would be like. So. Very. Excited!
I received the “your website is live” email from my web folks on Thursday evening. Eeekkk! So excited!
Friday morning, popped out of bed, fastest shower ever……waiting for the kids to go to school (“get out, get out, get out” I remember thinking-not nice, but I didn’t share that with them and I know they’re not reading this, so……).
Quiet house now, wrote the posts on social I needed to, set my Facebook page to public, and pushed go. And then……well, nothing, because the house was still quiet. “Huh?” I thought.
So, I got back work, writing and creating. And then the kindness began. Yes, kindness and loads of it. Friends, family, co-workers reaching out with their congratulations and “I knew you could do it messages”. I so appreciated each and every message, comment and text. I am truly blessed to have such supportive people in my life. And I appreciate everyone who took the time that day (and the days that followed) to reach out.
So, where was I left? In tears. Yup, who would have thought, tears and not happy tears. My parents, who have always supported me 100% in every big idea I have ever had, sent me the most beautiful arrangement of flowers (pictured in the blog post cover). The result? A huge amount of gratitude, and very unexpectedly, tears (sorry mom…..hang in there though, it gets better).
What the heck is wrong with me? I should be over the moon at this moment with the excitement of this launch and this new phase of my life. Don’t get me wrong. I was and I am. But still tears. I had to sit for a moment in quiet, to figure out what was wrong. Stop judging myself (I was saying some pretty rotten things to myself at this point), and just listen. What were the things I was saying? “Who the heck do you think you are to do something like this?” “You’re no one special to think that people are going to give a hoot what you say?” “You’ve put your family’s finances on the line here-what the heck are you doing?” (By the way-this is the P.G. version-there was some really unkind language in there).
So, what then? Stop. Recognize this was the insidious little bugger known as self doubt. So, stop. Remember all the reasons you decided to do this in the first place. Return to your “why”, your purpose. Give value to those close to you who are sending those positive messages. Know that what you’re feeling is temporary, so let those tears flow, and then pull up your socks and get back to your best life. So, I cried, and then I laughed, and then I smelled those beautiful flowers and filled my heart with gratitude.
At the end of the day, things don’t happen the way we expect. Stop, without judgement, listen to your mind, shed a tear if you need, and then get on with an amazing life.
With gratitude,
Deanna