A Personal Trainer’s Struggle with Fitness

Hey there,

No science, advice, or “top 5” lists today. Just me, sharing that even as a fitness professional, I struggle with working out, just like many of you.

It’s funny that we assume that the fitness trainer has a perfect workout routine and the dietician eats only green veggies. Well, you know what I’ve learned over a 25-year career in the fitness field, and almost 47 years on this earth? We are all just human. And no one is perfect, and nor should we try to be. If we only eat “green veggies” we miss the deliciousness of cake and ice cream, or if we only focus on getting those steps in, we miss the chance to stop and check out the grass that leads to witnessing the joy of the puppy chasing a butterfly.

Once, my activity level never needed a thought. There was a time I was teaching 20-25 classes a week and had all the typical “fit” indicators of cardiovascular fitness, muscle strength, endurance, etc. That was my normal. Getting super sweaty, super often, and feeling good.

(Note: it was during this high volume of class time that I seriously injured my hip WHILE teaching a class…..more on that in a minute).

And then, soft-launched my own business in Fall 2019 while also fulfilling my professor “duties”., and still not giving my fitness level a thought.

And then Winter 2020….no, not the pandemic yet. Rather a full-scale launch of my coaching business, with just a little bit of fitness while I got my bearings as a new business owner and life/business coach.

Then, yes, the pandemic.

And I, like so many of you, saw life flip on its head. I began revamping my BRAND NEW business and was trying to navigate all the things that the pandemic brought.

While trying to find some certainty for myself and my family, my fitness routines took a backseat. No, they actually ended up in the trunk.

Then, as I began to grow the fitness side of my business again, I was hit with a truckload of self-doubt. Being in the worst shape I had been in since a 6-month hiatus while I healed from hip surgery (to fix the above-mentioned injury), I kept hearing “who the hell are you to be programming fitness activities and telling people to get active when you’re not even close to what you were.” That voice was my voice of course.

Funny, that self-talk, isn’t it? Well, as it happens four things pushed me past that self-doubt (OH-I guess there is a “top-four” after all!):

1) I had a coach that helped me deal with that negative self-talk and navigate the uncertainty,

2) A history in Sport that taught me to just keep going and do what needs to be done, in spite of challenges and doubt. (Honestly, this, to me is why sport is so important for kids. Learning to fail and keep going, learning to push when you’re tired)

3) The knowledge I mentioned above. No one is perfect. The person you watch on Instagram that seems to “have it all”, either has a huge mess behind their camera, a team of people helping them, or a combo of both.

4) I am still the same fitness professional and educator that’s been making a positive impact in the field all these years. My worth is not tied to my fitness level. (that one took some time!)

And now here we are in May 2022, and my fitness level is a lot better, but still isn’t where I want it to be. And, I am okay with that. Don’t get me wrong, I still like to work hard and lift heavy things, but things are different.

I have different indicators of wellness that I need right now. This pandemic has been super rough on my family, and to ensure I can keep showing up the way I need to, I need to dig into what will best support my mental health. Expending a truckload of energy on high-intensity workouts isn’t it for me right now. I don’t have the emotional energy.

What is working for me:

-Prioritizing my sleep, which now sees me sleeping a solid 8 hours, waking at 5:30 am without needing an alarm.

-Time with my dogs….what would we do without our dogs?

-Resting. Yes, I have come to realize the value and necessity of rest. Part of me is still pulled to the type of schedule that had me teaching 20-25 classes per week, and then I remind myself, that schedule found me injured, and injured in a way that took three years and a half years to treat and heal from.

So what now? What I know is that those sweet doggos ensure I walk about 8 kms a day and get outside to play! And my crew of fitness class folks that I am so blessed to be connected with, we keep each other moving and accountable. I am so grateful for those women.

I encourage you to move in whatever way is best for you right now. It’s not forever, it’s for now. Maybe it’s with intensity. Maybe it is gentle.

Just keep moving and be kind to yourself. I understand the struggle, and please reach out if I can help.

And as always, keep being awesome,

Deanna