“Get Real” Reflection
Recently, I attended a webinar with the Certified Coaches Federation in which I had a “mic drop” moment. A question so profound, the “dots connected” and no further explanation was needed.
That question? “What are you lying to yourself about?” The webinar theme overall was about goal setting and taking action. And interestingly, this question really struck me as so important to ask myself and my clients when we’re talking about how to achieve goals.
The first step here, which can be a tricky one, is to get your ego out of the way. How do you know if your ego is in the way? Think about this: what goal have you been trying to achieve for a while now, that you haven’t achieved? Why haven’t you achieved that goal, applying the above question: “What are you lying to yourself about?”
HERE IS THE EGO: if you start to defend yourself and say “nothing, there’s nothing I am doing/not doing to achieve this goal”. I challenge that to say, absolutely there is something you’re doing/not doing, otherwise, you would have achieved the goal. Our ego likes to try to protect us with defence. Once you let that go and be honest with yourself, NOW you’re going to make progress!
Now, I pause to acknowledge how tricky things are for so many people right now. I’ve struggled during these times as well and have had my fair share of days where I (temporarily) throw in the towel on my goals, and choose a book and a cup of tea or some other form of self-care to help support my mental health. I want to be clear that the question above and what’s to follow is an awesome strategy AND sometimes feels too heavy. That’s ok. Put it on pause for a moment if needed.
Ok. So, how do we answer this question, “what are you lying to yourself about?” as you’re working towards your goals?
My tool involves a list (go figure!). And that is kind of like a “pros and cons” list, but the title of my categories are “reason vs. excuse”. A reason is something that is a legitimate issue that is in the way of progress. For example, you may have a fitness goal that you’re working towards which includes daily activity and today, you may have come down with a stomach bug (gosh, I hope not!). Well folks, that is a reason for missing today’s workout.
Compare that to an excuse. That would be a situation such as my child way up through the night and I didn’t sleep well and I am tired this morning so I will choose to skip my workout. Well friends, that I would label as an excuse. If you are really invested in your goal, you will push past that fatigue and do it anyway. Because let me ask you in this situation, isn’t your child up often in the night and aren’t you often tired? So, does that mean you’ll give yourself permission to skip that workout every time that happens?
To be clear, I am not saying it’ll be easy. I know that fatigue and it is really tough. BUT, if you are working towards a big goal, it takes the extra effort. It takes the working out when you’re tired. It takes going the extra mile, even when you don’t want to.
Yes, we want to balance our “pushing on and pushing through” with prioritizing our wellness. 100%. And in the midst of that, you must continue to ask yourself these tough questions:
1) “what am I lying to myself about?” (i.e. what could I actually be doing to progress here?)
2) When I choose not to fulfill a promise to myself, am I making an excuse or is this a legitimate reason?
And only you can answer those questions.
If you have goals you want to achieve, don’t wait. There is NEVER going to be a perfect time. There will ALWAYS be people that don’t understand what you’re doing and what you want to achieve. Get after it today. You are worth it!
Deanna