Always Last on the List?

Do you find that? You’re always the last on the priority list? Everyone else is taken care of, and then by the time you think of doing something for yourself, you’re simply too exhausted to start?

Well, that simply won’t do. YOU need to be a priority. And not to make you a “better mom, sister, wife, CEO” etc, but simply because you deserve to be a priority in your life.

Let’s dig into some of the why and the how of this topic:

Why aren’t you making yourself a priority? Some common reasons are:

> out of necessity because of the stage of life you’re in (a parenting or caregiving role for example)

> you don’t feel worthy of being a priority

> you’re a “people pleaser” and have been programmed to put others first (and you’ve also likely been rewarded for always putting others first). You may have also attached your identity to this role, and you then may wonder who you are without this type of role.

> you’ve been programmed to believe that this is the sign of a good mom or partner etc, that you put everyone else’s needs first.

Do you see yourself in any of those statements? Or is there something you would add?

Whatever the reason, if you know that you’re last on the list AND you’re ready to change that, let’s consider some “hows”:

• work on a mindset shift towards “I need to ….. “ or perhaps something like “I am allowed to…” (i.e. YOU are allowing yourself)

• communicate to those around you why this is so important to you, what this will look like, as well as what you might need from others.

• watch out for the “yeah-buts”. That is, when it comes time to move yourself to the top of the priority list, you say “yeah-but my kiddo needs their uniform for tomorrow” or “I don’t have time for a walk” etc. Remember the “yeah-buts” are you defending your current position. And, is your current position really where you want to stay?

• note that this can happen on a continuum of putting yourself first for 5 minutes, up to whatever is right for you and your specific situation. Sometimes we don’t put our needs first because we don’t know where to start, and the list seems mountainous. So, start small and test that out.

• stop waiting for someone else to make this change. You need to take the reins here. Where you are might not be fair or your fault, but it is your responsibility to sort it out and move towards what you want. Like Mel Robbins always reminds us, “No one is coming to save you”.

Does any of this resonate? If so or if not, I’d love to hear your thoughts: deanna@deannalangfordcoaching.com

Cheering you on!

Deanna